Life is a sim-ulation

You are more than just a "sim" in this game of life

I saw a TikTok about The Sims 4 the other night and it got me thinking about how much of my life I’ve lived on autopilot, like a character following prompts I never consciously chose.

I used to be a “gamer”.
SNES. PlayStation 1, 2, and 4.
And during COVID, the Switch nearly took over my life completely.

In childhood, hours disappeared into screens, especially The Sims. I loved building homes from scratch, recreating real houses from photos, and curating interiors with care. Pixelated furniture, imaginary families, worlds I could control when real life felt harder to articulate.

Who remembers the dire days of 2020, when trying to buy a Switch or PS5 felt like smuggling drugs in a back alley? With everyone confined to their homes, layoffs, furloughs and uncertainty, PS5s and Switches became the drug of choice. Completely sold out everywhere for months.

Once I got my hands on the Switch, oh boy, I did not rest. I found myself laid off from work, installing TikTok for the first time, and logging over 200 hours of Animal Crossing. It was a dopamine fever dream, to say the least.

My ex-boyfriend and I even had Animal Crossing dates. It was pretty cute, I can’t lie.
The only sport I would get competitive in was Mario Kart.

Somewhere in my twenties, I decided this part of me had to go. I started living like a sim: reacting, on autopilot, making decisions influenced by others. It took me longer than I’d like to admit to realise I wasn’t in a game. I have agency.
It’s still absurd how completely I ignored the creative side of myself throughout most of my twenties, but I digress.

I told myself I was wasting time. That adulthood meant being serious. That creativity was indulgent, not practical. I traded imagination for productivity and called it maturity, but really, I was shrinking myself to fit an idea of who I thought I was supposed to be.

Now, I curate Pinterest boards of the imagined life I desire.
The adult way to Sims my life.
My grown-up version of The Sims, where moodboards slowly become real life as I buy pieces to match my inspo.

I want to get back into gaming, not from a place of escapism this time, but as creative expression, from time to time.

And the strangest part is how clearly it’s revealed something else:
I have more freedom over my life than I ever realised.

You have autonomy over your life and your decisions. It doesn’t mean every choice will be good, bad, or even perfectly aligned with God’s will for your life, but it is yours.

What I once thought was a rigid set of rules has enabled me to become the most authentic version of myself. God is not asking me to become a soulless vessel, devoid of personality, interests, or passion. If anything, He has given me the freedom to be me.

The one I suppressed. The one I ran from. The one I tried to ignore.

That version of me, the one I am becoming, was unknowingly haunting me. Every moment I spent pretending to be something else ached.

There’s no grand point to this post; I’m just reminiscing. However, I find myself quite enjoying returning to the Ivana I always was. Turns out God never asked me to suppress myself. He was leading me back home.